Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. I thought: “He’s trying to pull a fast one.”
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed. I never knew they worked
Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says: “Oi – get out. We don’t want your type in here.”
29% of the meat content in Tesco’s hamburgers turns out to be horse?! No wonder they gave me the trots!
They didn’t actually – I don’t shop at tesco, it’s a joke.
Sorry guys, this one’s a bad one
A French fry walked into a bar, and says, “Hey, can I get a beer please?”
The barman looks at him and then says, “No, sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
Math Teacher: If I had 6 bottles in one hand and 10 in the other, what do I have?
Student: A drinking problem.